海洋之星。紀錄林書豪。

 
Lin. sanity
   

發佈日期：2012-07-17，發佈者： atthehipproductions
Original work written and performed by Giles Li.
Video by Ash Hsie.

ARTIST STATEMENT: This poem and video was originally conceptualized at the height of Linsanity as one in a trilogy. The other two poets did in fact write amazing poems about the same player, but when Jeremy Lin went down with an injury, the whole plan was put indefinitely on hold. The recent (and baffling) vitriol that sports media outlets have thrown Jeremy Lin's way escalated the timeline, and this is still just the first of three poem videos that will be released. Keep your eyes peeled. (July 17, 2012)

DISCLAIMER: This artistic work contains copyrighted material, the use of which has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Such material is included for the purposes of criticism, commentary, and education; the artists do not profit from the online viewing of this work. This constitutes a 'fair use' of copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

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資料來源: http://appleofmyeye.twbbs.org/?p=743　　消息來源：PTT

這是日前簽約人生沸沸揚揚時林大哥轉貼的一個短片，不少人看了都深受感動本來寫詩的點子是三個人一起想出來的，原先決定每人各寫一首並配上畫面發表，後來因為林的膝傷而延後計畫。Giles Li先發表了他的作品，這是三人之一的Bao Phi和他訪談的記錄原文網址在此: http://www.startribune.com/local/yourvoices/163284196.html

幾年前，大家開始討論一位名叫Jeremy Lin的亞裔美籍籃球球員，他的名字大多出現在美國的亞裔流行文化及新聞網站，也包括了我的個人部落格。我還記得那時候想著，希望他可以實現夢想，在NBA打上幾分鐘的球。時間快轉到這個夏天—他領最低薪資，用場上的過人膽識以及灰姑娘故事風靡全國的林來瘋之後。當林成了自由球員，他的下一個球隊、下一張合約意外掀起了一場風暴，幾週以來他已然成為我這輩子見過最受爭議也最引人注目的亞裔美籍公眾人物。林來瘋正熱的二三月，我們這些球迷都還處在不可思議的情緒中，波士頓口說藝術家、行動主義者(也是一對可愛雙胞胎的父親)Giles Li連絡上我和Beau Sia，提議我們三個來寫一首Jeremy Lin的詩。因為我們住得太遠聚不到一塊，於是就決定各自先寫一首詩，然後和導演合作拍成短片發表。後來林的膝蓋受傷，我們於是決定延後到尼克向林提出合約時再發表影片。結果呢，有看新聞的人應該都很清楚最近兩星期發生了什麼事。不久前Giles先發表了他的影片，在亞裔美國人和球迷的圈子裡變得非常熱門。我和Giles聊了那部影片，還有他以藝術工作者、終身賽爾提克球迷、亞裔美國人以及一個父親的身分，是怎麼看林的。

Q:你是從什麼時後變成林的球迷的？第一次聽到這個人是什麼時候？
A:我住波士頓，所以我第一次聽到林的名字是在當地的新聞報導，當時他還是哈佛籃球隊隊長。那時我大概知道哈佛籃球隊有個球技令人印象深刻的亞裔美國孩子。不過直到他對UConn爆發的那場比賽，我才意識到他正以未來的NBA球員之姿吸引大家注意。在我有生之年，UConn一直都是國內的強隊，一些優秀的籃球球員，不論男女，都是出自UConn。但是林一個人就給了哈佛–哈佛？擊敗他們的一線希望。當林在夏季聯盟擊敗John Wall的時候，不少模擬選秀名單上已經有他的名字，甚至有些球探考慮在第一輪末段要選他。可惜的是他選秀失利，我當初也以為他錯過機會了。但我一點都不覺得失望，因為許多有才華的球員都進不了NBA。八零年代，波士頓有個很優秀的高中籃球選手Eugene Miles，當時被譽為跟Patrick Ewing是同一個等級。幾年前我搭公車正巧坐在他旁邊，所以知道了當個籃球選手要混口飯吃有多麼難，即使從小就有很多人對他說他將來會是個明星球員。我發現，林也是這個狀況，但至少他還有哈佛學歷做後盾。

Q:說說你對林來瘋的感覺？
A:首先呢，我明明當了一輩子塞爾提克迷，卻跑去幫同在東區的尼克球員加油其實挺詭異的。但現在這已經不成問題了。不管林和他的故事有多讓我感動興奮，我發現自己的潛意識中還是覺得這一切必然會招致反彈，而且和他的種族脫不了關係。也有不少亞裔美國人早早就對林造成的熱潮有些微詞，大概是不想被當成林的「粉絲」吧。但從整個運動史看來，林來瘋時期最讓人開心的其實是，我們對這個故事都再熟悉不過了。球探也好，教練也好，其他球員也好，他們看林一眼就認定林不是他們那個水準的，這是林在籃球生涯中遇到的最大阻礙。不是因為不夠努力，也不是因為天份或練習或人脈不夠，更不是運氣背，而根本就是因為大家看著他卻無法想像眼前這個人有辦法拿出頂尖的表現。林已經向不知多少人證明了自己的身手，卻還是甩不掉這些存疑的眼光。我們亞裔美國人對這種狀況都很熟悉，對吧？大家都習慣一開始就認定你不夠好，而非把你當個常人看待，就這樣決定了他們的觀感。

Q:這首詩寫得很美，Ash的影片也配合得相當棒。你們是怎麼湊到一起工作的？
A:我們是老朋友了，而且至少五年前就開始在計畫要一起合作，只是遍尋不著我們都很喜歡的點子。(中略)因為這十年來我們聊的大部份都是籃球，所以就覺得也許可以從這個點子開始。我寫的文字部分很強烈直白，但Ash搭配的視覺效果簡直太完美了，這就是短片開始吸引網友注意的原因。有趣的是，這首詩是在林來瘋熱潮還沒退燒的時候寫好的，短片有 一大部分也是在那時候拍的。它的出發角度，讓美國人總算可以對「亞裔美國人」這件事有點正向的觀感。我這輩子還是第一次做這種事。很高興我的孩子還小，這麼一來他們成長的這個世界也許就能多感染一點這樣的正向力量。結果不出其然，我錯了—美國文化又退回以往用酸言酸語嘲笑、討厭亞裔美國人的模式。隨著文化與媒體變遷，更讓我覺得難過。我的孩子可能還是會和我一樣真真切切體會到那種不受重視、不被看好的感覺。對一個家長來說，這很讓人心痛。

Q:很多人，尤其是亞裔美國人，似乎都對你的詩和短片非常有共鳴。我讀過很多林的報導，令我驚訝的一點在於許多人的心態和字彙都還在非黑即白的模式，而林的亞裔美國人身分更具體反映了這個現象。感覺上，你的詩是在探索種族與身分認同相當細微的部分。對此你有何看法？
A:即便在他人氣正高，還沒有什麼反彈聲浪的時候，他吸引的那些「新」球迷也已經引起一些反彈了。部分非亞裔的人有個很蠢的想法，就是亞洲人或亞裔美國人在林來瘋前根本不關注籃球。我說過我自己當了一輩子的NBA球迷，那是因為我爸媽也是。普遍的說法都認為亞裔移民在美國生的小孩跑去打籃球很少見，其實一點也不。有多少人只看了他一眼就斷言他不夠好，運動能力不夠競爭力不夠，他還是勇往直前，這才叫少見。而身為口說藝術工作者，我們都很清楚這點，只是少有領域可以讓華裔美國人有立足之地而不會被投以訝異的眼光。同樣的感受我們都經歷過：那訝異的眼光有時是和著懷疑、憤怒，或者不信任。林來瘋正熱的時候，許多評論都摻雜了這些東西。大家都說他終究會重重摔落，打回原形也不過就是個差不多的球員；但如果你認真觀察他的籃球生涯，你會發現他在每個階段都有所表現。他在大學時期是頂尖球員，夏季聯盟也打得很好，處處有證據顯示他的能力優於平均值，想證明他不夠好卻沒那麼容易。那些說他屬於中後段後衛的評論，大多都只是因為他的種族。我讀了Devin Gordan在GQ blog寫的文章，他認為種族議題確實影響著大家對林的想法，在這次的簽約事件中卻沒有被當作誘因；我很感激他寫了那篇文章，因為也只有這樣一個有知名度的白人主流記者才得以把這個議題搬上檯面。身為亞裔美國人是幾乎不可能討論種族政治的，因為我們面對的是同樣的懷疑、憤怒與不信任。但是不管如何，我並不是要向任何人證明什麼，我只是認為林的存在對於美國的亞裔家長和孩子很重要，這就是為何他對我而言有特別的意義。

*Devin Gordan在GQ blog所寫的文章：http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-q/2012/07/the-jeremy-lin-debate-no-one-wants-to-have.html

Lin.Sanity視訊的全部原文稿Lin. Sanity. by Giles Li (words) and Ash Hsie (video) @ atthehipproductions.i'm standing at the front of the room again forcing this world to create itself around me and it feels like this is all that i've ever been just a mouth a mike and a dusty spotlight dry-throat lip smacking with self-doubt breath drowning in expectations another night spent begging a room for faces approval so i can feel fleeting valuable i'm still trying to define my works to the world through finger-snaps and head nods and handshakes after the show it's no accident that i spend my weekends here excavating wounds for broken hidden wings in front of any audience who'll watch me even strangers especially strangers faces that don't look like mine

maybe
something in me is broken
that i can see my own reflection in the rows of eyes and concerned smiles
but i can't see my own reflection
in the mirror
that when i'm on stage
i'm still just that twenty year old overpractice
undercompenstating kid stumbling his way through an open mike
holding the cord between my thumbs and insecurities
trusting the spotlight to hold me up
when there was nothing left in me to stay standing onstage i'm still six wishing my grandmother would stop walking outside so the neighborhood kids would stop singing us chingchong serenades when i stayed in with afternoon cartoons turned up loud so i could pretend i imagine

onstage
i'm still ten
searching the block for my family's shoes
after they were stolen from outside our front door
thrown in barrels
hidden under cars
when i learned *i* couldn't take a joke onstage i'm still fourteen and trying to remember how to get home after being bullied and bloodied by kids who thought it was clever to shout the names of different chinese food dishes each time a sneaker or fist fell toward my face or chest or throat

onstage
i remember every time
i was nothing more than my father's stubborn accent
nothing more than the oily unventilated smell from my mother's kitchen
nothing more than ornate dashboard decorations on the beatup cutlist
nothing more than these ugly narrow eyes flatpunched in noses downturned lips
[…] this disgusting mottled skin onstage i remember what it's like to hate anyone with the same color who share a last name a story a slur what it's like to know if i'm not the villian the most i can be is a sidekick hearing it from playground superheroes from the blond girl who broke my heart from textbooks war movies enemies and friends would-be presidents magazine covers facebook feeds onstage i know what it's like to so desperately want self-worth that i'd ask everyone i could find to give it to me

but
at home
i don't know any of that at home i sit with kids amazed and watch my same narrow eyes same downturned mouth playing ball under bright lights in new york and i imagine he had the same doubts same fits of insomnia same sinking in the stomach that he fuels himself on the court by remembering little fists remembering chingchong serenades jokes about his family who has probably lost count of all the voices who said he shouldn't be here

his rise to stardom doesn't fix the world for my daughter and son
but maybe the load on his shoulders lift the ones on theirs a little
and maybe they'll learn to be motivated by pride
and not embarrassment
and maybe they will grow up believing in their own story
and maybe they won't need to go on the same search i did
where i ended up here
at the front of the room
broken
trying my best to raise children
that are whole so jeremy no matter how many loss in a row no matter how many turnovers no matter how many insulting headlines played out race jokes no matter how low the lows no matter how many times your name gets spit back in your face as a slur a threat an insult no matter what happens next in this thrilling beautiful ride just remember i'm still your biggest fan